Jobs, reading, and stressing: the never ending loop
I maaaaaaay have overreacted with my hard drive. After a well-needed visit to my parents over New Year's, I was able to gather our old family computers' hard drives that held everything except for my updated photos of past work; luckily, I can retake photos if needed. They will remain safe this time: staying fully on hard surfaces and being held with both hands. Now I just need to make backups of my backups. My partner excitedly makes plans for a home server: a ‘right of passage’ in his field.
So luckily my digital life is not over. It just felt like that in the moment, in the experience. I rationalized it out since my last post, and before arriving at my parents, with the help of reading Tim Parks ‘out of my mind’. While the book mainly focuses on the spread mind theory Parks talks in extent about experiences. Both in the general sense but also in how it applies to the SMT, which I haven’t even begun to understand. That’s a lie; I understand a little because of how he discusses consciousness and experience. Basically, from what im gathering he says that the ‘human consciousness of an object is the object one is conscious of.’ They are one in the same. While I don’t completely get it and wouldn’t even begin to explain it in depth, I can relate and see where the idea is coming from.
confusing I know; seems like a lot of thinking for a thought experiment. However what I find interesting are the accounts and interviews with different scientists trying to find or explain consciousness in the brain. Yet with each one it seems theirs a theory but were not their technology wise. But right now he’s talking about how experience plays a role - Yes while we may see brain neurons light up for specific feelings and situations but also how we recognize those experiences that also shape our conscious. I wish it was as easy as Jiminy Cricket!
However I’m starting to understand it because of my thoughts on being one with earth and matter; come from the earth and when i die i give back to the earth etc.etc. But I’ve used that in a nature sense, in a grounding sense not really expanding that thought in how it relates to experiences and physical objects that can than shape and influence those experiences.
Anyway, the holidays were a well needed break to recharge with family and having an excuse to not look at my phone which has just been stressing me out with how much I supposedly need to get to; theirs always something, always someone to message, new things to do. it should be exciting and I am but i also think its overwhelming. Im constanly thinking and working but at the same time behind trying to catch up. I still need to finish and mail out holiday paintings i wasn’t able to complete because of travel, pre-engaged plans, excuses. I hope a painting is better late than never right? Humans were not meant to be able to have access to everything, anyone, all at once. But I can see the importance in having access to those things of course and reel myself back in.
On another, different note, I am starting an official, scheduled hours job! Working at my past school with amazing people. While i’m excited I still always stress about the small things like what building I need to arrive out and making sure i’m on time, not even the work or talking to people. Its always the small stuff and always relating to location and time. I’ll have to think about why that is when I catch a free second. Im excited to work and learn, to get back on a schedule, to work out, to be back in that community.
Painting is on hiatus - I need to work on my writing skills. I do need to finish up some landscaping pieces so I will have some new ones up but I cant think about liminality in terms of physical pieces right now. Right now my focus is on writing out past notes and re grouping/ organizing thoughts for short essays, while also doing some interviews and reviews on local artists and shows. I can worry how I’ll publish them later.
Till than I will be reading more history and journalism and getting out more to further prepare and work towards being a better member in my communities for the upcoming Inauguration. Don’t overthink. familiarize yourself with your neighbors, your community, and check in. Stay safe. Their is hope!
